Three nights ago, and two months before her 94th birthday, my Nonna, my maternal grandmother, suffered a stroke. She’s now in palliative care and there’s no telling how much longer she has left. Over the last few years she was slowing down, yet was still quite aware and was able to do many things on her own, even travel to the shops by bus. She had a scare over the weekend but was otherwise in reasonably good health. So all of this is incredibly sudden.

I was unsure as to whether or not I wanted to actually write this post. I did have a draft planned yesterday, with the assumption that she wouldn’t make it through the night. Delaying it any further did not seem right. Neither is making this an eulogy or display of public grief — that’s not how I like to do thing. But to not acknowledge that any of this is happening felt just as wrong, at least for now.

But what seemed right was a public declaration that I love her and I’ll miss her. I consider myself lucky to have said that to her in person, while she was lucid.

So, what now? Timelines at this stage are uncertain. Would it be hours? Days? Who can say. I guess following that would be the funeral and other matters pertaining to the estate, but that won’t happen for a week or so. What about today? Does one simply go about their day as one normally would? Does life go on? Seems wrong that it should be so, yet I’m not sure there’s anything else that I’m capable of doing. Just the daily routine smeared with sadness and loss.

I heard someone say that grief comes from love, that you can’t have one without the other. I can attest to that, but the edges of that double-edge sword are razor sharp. I know that eventually the pain will dull, and all that would remain are the memories. All it takes is time.